We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.
/
  • Streaming + Download

    Purchasable with gift card

     

about

In this episode we explore dating, its many intricacies, and just how hard it is to be a furry in modern society.

lyrics

Fluid: Hello! You’re listening to Twizzlers for Everyone Forever presents: Death Spares Not the Tiger, an epic radio drama!

DSNT: Our very special episode today is about dating.

Fluid: Our heroine finds herself navigating through the pits, pratfalls and sexually transmitted diseases of today’s dating scene, but emerges a winner!

DSNT: A challenger appears!

SFX: Swirling wonderment, a restaurant

Chris: So basically, it’s just that I’ve been burying myself in work lately.

Chris’s Friend: Well, if you want, I can set you up with a guy I know from work.

Chris: I dunno I’m not sure how I feel about being set up with someone.

Friend: Oh no, he’s great, I’m sure you’d like him.
Chris: Even so…can I just meet him first or something? I’d rather know who someone is before agreeing to go on a date with them.

Friend: I guess…Oh! I almost forgot, we’re having an office party this Friday, that’d be perfect.

Chris: Oh, Friday, I think that might be a little short notice.

Friend: It’s Monday…

Chris: Well I was planning on washing my hair

Friend: Now you’re just making excuses

Chris: No! Seriously, my hair is like, 4 feet long, you have to plan these things out.

Friend: You’re coming to my office party.

Chris: Fine…well, no, I don’t have anything to wear, this just isn’t going to work. I mean I’d have to go shopping first and-

Friend: Stop trying to get out of it! You can raid my closet first if you really don’t have anything. Why not just wear what you’re wearing now?

Chris: But…this panda costume is kind of casual

Friend: Ok, you’re coming over to my place right now and we’re going to find you something to wear.

Chris: I imagine it would be a lot easier to meet people if I wasn’t a furry.


SFX: Footsteps, car start and drive, door open, restaurant sounds, killing me softly

Ralph: Well I’m really glad we decided to go out like this

Chris: I don’t usually ask people out, but I thought what the hell, you’re a nice guy

Ralph: Right…right. So this restaurant has some really spectacular crab dip, you should try that.

Chris: I’m not sure about that, I’ve never really cared for shellfish. Or dip. I’ve always felt that dip was some sort of really complicated metaphor for the subjugation of women.

Ralph: …that doesn’t really make any sense.

Chris: Kidding! Sorry, I’m really nervous, that was stupid.

Ralph: No, it’s ok, but you’re gonna try this crab dip, it’s really spectacular. Waiter!

Danny: Yeeeeeeeeesssss?

Ralph: I will have the new york strip, the lady will have the chicken parmesan, and we’ll split a crab dip.

Danny: I’m not actually the waiter.

Ralph: Here’s a 20 for ya, chief.

Danny: …I’ll have that out for you in a minute.

Chris: So where did you say you went to school?

Ralph: Oh, I went to Wake Forest, I got my degree in business administration, but I mostly partied and played in a few bands.

Chris: Ohhh, that’s really cool.

Ralph: Yeah, and I was in a frat. I Felta Thigh, *laughs*. But seriously, that’s what I did. That frat was great. I definitely hooked up with quite a few sorostitutes, you know what I mean!

Chris: Umm…

Ralph: I mean, you look way better, don’t get me wrong, but damn.

Chris: So why don’t we get some drinks!

SFX: Time zooms forward

Ralph: So basically, by the time they realized what was going on, I was long gone with their TV *and* their weed

Chris: *drunken laughter*

Ralph: I mean, whatever, I didn’t need that fancy degree, tech school has been just fine for me.

Chris: Wait…I thought you said you went to Wake

Ralph: Well yeah…but then I just got so into my bands and partying that I dropped out and went to tech school. It worked out pretty well because I got a job so now I have an apartment and a car and stuff.

Chris: Yeah, and you can buy me booze!

Ralph:…yeah. Speaking of which, so I guess we’re pretty much done here, do you want to go back to your place or mine?

Chris: *laughter* what?

Ralph: Well, I mean, you’re a foxy lady. I want to get to know you better, if you know what I mean.

Chris: I’m not sure about that.

Ralph: I mean, I bought you dinner and stuff, you should at least come hang out for a bit.

Chris: Well I guess that makes sense…

SFX: PSA about strokes

Friend: So your date went well?

Chris: HE RAPED ME!

Friend: Oh, that’s just how those first dates seem, I’m sure it’ll get better in time.

Chris: No…I called the police.

Friend: Oh come on, is that really necessary? And besides, didn’t you say that he was in a frat? And is in like, three bands?

Chris: That doesn’t make it ok! In fact, it probably makes it less ok somehow. I don’t know. I’m very distressed right now, you know, from the date rape.

Friend: Well anyway, I’m sure he’ll be fine, I mean, he’s white. Mind if I ask him out?

Chris: Ugh! Be my guest!

Friend: Yay! I’m settling for less!

SFX: Time speeds up

Chris: I don’t know what I’m going to do. Hmm, maybe I’ll use match.com to find someone… You can’t go wrong with internet dating. Although first, I should listen to the radio.

SFX: Radio turns on

DSNT: And that concludes the 43 minute epic I’ll Put My Lark’s Tongue in Your Aspic, by King Crimson. You’re listening to Twizzlers for Everyone Forever on 91.5 WOBC, Oberlin College and Community radio. Before we go on to Yes’ masterpiece, Astral Projections Coming Out My Bum, let’s hear a PSA.

SFX: Sean Connery exploitation PSA

Chris: Oh my god! I almost got exploited on the internet! Thanks, Sean Connery and 91.5 WOBC! Well where can I go for a safe dating environment yet not have to actually act like a normal human being and just talk to people I want to date…I know! Speed dating!

SFX: Carnival music!

Guy in Charge of Speed Dating: So I guess that now that everyone’s here, we can explain the rules. No, actually, let’s do a headcount. We have Chris Everywoman

Chris: Here!

GiCoSD: Amelia Earhardt

Amelia: I will dine on flesh tonight!

GiCoSD: What?

Amelia: What?

Sean: In the butt!

GiCoSD: And I trust you’ve all met our referee Sean Connery…Sean, I’m going to have to ask you to shut the hell up. For that, and also shut the hell up preemptively. Moving on, Dr. Erica Dyer

Erica: I brought cookies!

GiCoSD: Phillis Collins?

Phil: She’s just in the bathroom

GiCoSD: And what’s this last name?

Don Qui-Ho-Te: That’s my wife, Don Qui-ho-te’s Wife!

GiCoSD: This appears to be an egret crudely drawn in human feces.

Don: Don’t oppress my religion!
GiCoSD: Ok…so that’s it for the women. For the men, Patrick Bateman

Patrick: Hello. Might I say that that’s a fine tie you’re wearing. Can I give you my business card?

GiCoSD: Mormon Chad?

Chad: Hello friends!

GiCoSD: Douglas Jay Falcon?

Ben: Show me your moves!

GiCoSD: And…ok, so that guy is also here. Now the rules follow thusly: Speed dating is a formalized matchmaking event. See, all of the ladies will sit at a table each in that circle of tables. The men will start at one table and rotate over the next hour or so. We will keep a timer of 3 minutes so you will have some time to talk and decide if you are compatible or not. Then when the time is up, the men will get up and rotate clockwise until everyone has met everyone. Then you will let us know who you felt compatible with and each compatibility match will get each other’s contact information.

(pause)

GiCoSD: Yeah, this idea isn’t lame at all. Anyway, so ladies, go to your tables. And we’ll start.

Chris: Ok, so I have my script. I’ll try it out on this first guy.

Ben improvises all of his next lines as Don Qui-Ho-Te

Chris: What’s your name?

Chris: What do you do for a living?

Chris: So what are your hobbies?

Chris: So it’s our first date, what do we do?

Chris: So we’ve had good first and second dates. It’s our third date and we get the check. Do you pay, or do we split it?

Chris: It’s after our third date. We’re standing at my doorstep, what do you say?

Chris: How do you feel about sex before marriage?

Chris: Let’s say we go out for a few months. How do we keep things fresh?

SFX: Boner Bell

Chris: Alright, who’s this next guy?

Phil Collins: ‘allo!

Chris: What’s your name?

Chris: Phil Collins! You may have heard of my music career. See, I’m very famous. Also, I’m the world’s leading expert on the Alamo.

Chris: What do you do for a living?

Phil: …

Chris: Oh right, you do that music thing. I’m sure you’re great at that… So what are your hobbies?

Phil: Well, in me spare time, I like to marry women and then divorce them. I don’t think anything makes me happier than a good divorce. If you’re familiar with me singing career, you’ll know that everything I’ve ever written ever was about me many divorces.

Chris: I’m not sure I’m as into divorce as you are. So it’s our first date, what do we do?

Phil: Well, I’d probably take you out for a round of miniature golf. Then we’d probably go back to my place where I would weep openly about the shambles of my love life.

Chris: So let’s say hypothetically that doesn’t happen and we’ve had good first and second dates. It’s our third date and we get the check. Do you pay, or do we split it?

Phil: Well naturally I’d get it. I’m a gazillionaire!

Chris: It’s after our third date. We’re standing at my doorstep, what do you say?

Phil: Su-su-sudio!

Chris: How do you feel about sex before marriage?

Phil: Well, as long as it makes the divorce even hotter, I’m willing to try anything once.

Chris: Let’s say we go out for a few months. How do we keep things fresh?
Phil: Well usually I’d have divorced you by then, so I’m not sure. Probably a divorce? Will you excuse me, I have to…go to the restroom.

Sean: I see you got stood up for speed dating. Pretty sad. Mind if I sit?

Chris: Not at all

Sean: Well, this refereeing thing sure is going swimmingly. I hardly have to do anything, except make sexual innuendo about butts.

Chris: I see. So what else do you do with your retired life?

Sean: Well, I mainly wear this flannel cap and go on speaking tours

Chris: What do you talk about?

Sean: Hmm?

Chris: What do you speak about, on your tours?

Sean: Oh, nothing really. People just pay to hear me speak.

Chris: So they pay you to come somewhere and…talk about hunting boar or something?

Sean: Well yes. Though I usually hunt pheasants

Chris: Pheasant?

Seans: Yes, peasants

Chris: …what?

Ben and Joe improvise a scene as Phillis Collins and Don Qui-ho-te

SFX: Boner bell

Chris: What’s your name?

Ben: Weeeeegeeeeeeeee

Chris: What do you do for a living?

Ben: Falcon….PAUNCH!

Chris: So what are your hobbies?

Ben: I fight for my friends!

Chris: So it’s our first date, what do we do?

Ben: I’m too sexy for my box

Chris: So we’ve had good first and second dates. It’s our third date and we get the check. Do you pay, or do we split it?

Ben: Pikachu!

Chris: It’s after our third date. We’re standing at my doorstep, what do you say?

Ben: Show me your boobs!

Chris: How do you feel about sex before marriage?

Ben: Waaaaugh! Your moves are-a useless!

Chris: Let’s say we have sex. It lasts about six seconds. Why is that?

Ben: I’m too faaaast!

Chris: Let’s say we go out for a few months. How do we keep things fresh?

Ben: Up the butt Charizard!

SFX: Boner Bell

Chris: What the hell was that? (beat) Who’s our next candidate…Oh my, he’s good looking.

Patrick: Hello. I’m Patrick Bateman.

Chris: It’s really great to meet you! You look…very professional. Did you just come from work, or do you wear that suit everywhere?

Patrick: No, I just came from the office.

Chris: What do you do for a living?

Patrick: Well, I work on Wall Street. Maybe you’ve heard of it? Perhaps you should have one of my business cards.

Chris: So what are your hobbies?

Patrick: Do you like Huey Lewis and the news? 

Chris: They’re OK.

Patrick: Their early work was a little too new wave for my taste, but when Sports came out in '83, I think they really came into their own, commercial and artistically.

Chris: So we’ve had good first and second dates. It’s our third date and we get the check. Do you pay, or do we split it?

Patrick: The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He's been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far much more bitter, cynical sense of humour. 

Chris: Do you have a dog? A little chow or something?

Patrick: No, Chris.

Chris: Is that a raincoat?

Patrick: Yes it is! In '87, Huey released this, Fore, their most accomplished album. I think their undisputed masterpiece is "Hip to be Square", a song so catchy, most people probably don't listen to the lyrics. But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the band itself. HEY CHRIS!

SFX: Boner Bell

Chris: That got…weird. I wonder if it’s this weird for everyone

SFX: Crowd

Phil: ‘ello! What’s your name?

Phillis: I’m Phillis Collins!

Phil: That’s a lovely name! You remind me of my seventh and a halfth wife

Phillis: You’ve had seven and a half wives?

Phil: Actually, I’ve had thirty seven!

Phillis: That sounds hot! I’ve always wanted to find someone who loves divorce as much as I do.

Phil: Me too! I also love the Alamo, and turning good bands into crappy bands by singing in them.

Phillis: Oh my god Phil Collins, you are so hot, let’s go get divorced right now!

SFX: Crowd

Amelia: Hi, what’s your name?

Patrick: Patrick Bateman

Amelia: So what do you do?

Patrick: Well, I’m a very rich Wall Street type. Have one of my business cards.

Amelia: Ooh, vice president; that sounds very important.

Patrick: Oh, it is. I can get a reservation at Dorsia whenever I want to go.

Amelia: Well you have a reservation on my plane anytime, Mr. VP

Patrick: That sounds racy.

Amelia: It was supposed to be.

Patrick: Do you like Phil Collins?

Amelia: You mean the last guy I talked to?

Patrick: I’ve been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that –

Amelia: Wait, I think I know where this is going, and I’m already semi-there!

Patrick: …I didn’t really understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where Phil Collins’ presence –

Amelia: Say no more. We’re going to fly away to my private island where…let’s just say I’m going to eat you for dessert. Heehee.

Patrick: Amelia, I don’t think that saying such things is befitting of a woman of your intangible grace.

Amelia: Actually, I wasn’t being metaphorical there; I’m a cannibal.

Patrick: That sounds divine

Amelia: I don’t think you’re listening…

SFX: Crowd

Chris: Ugh, who’s the next psychopath?

Chad: Hi! I’m Mormon Chad!

Chris: What do you do for a living, Mormon Chad?

Chad: I work at a youth center! I really like guiding kids into a life of virtue. But enough about me; tell me about yourself!

Chris: So what are your hobbies?

Chad: I really like tennis and hiking. I also am a big fan of the poetry of Robert Frost. He has such a way with words. What do you enjoy?

Chris: Well…I like dressing up in crotchless animal suits and having sex with strangers

Chad: Well…I’m not into that personally, but hey if you like it I’m not going to judge it!

Chris: So it’s our first date, what do we do?

Chad: Well, I would probably either ask you to coffee or to a tennis game. Or we’d do something that you would like to do! I mean, I’m there to have fun with you as much as get to know you.

Chris: Don’t you mean you’d invite me to a Bible study?

Chad: Well gee, I wouldn’t want to force my religion down your throat or anything. I mean, it’s a personal thing. I don’t know if I’d want to share that with you on the first date.

Chris: So we’ve had good first and second dates. It’s our third date and we get the check. Do you pay, or do we split it?

Chad: Well, I make a pretty good paycheck, so I’d offer, but if you’re more comfortable splitting it then we’d do that.

Chris: It’s after our third date. We’re standing at my doorstep, what do you say?

Chad: Well if you’ve gone out with me three times, then I’d probably say that I think you’re a really swell gal and would want to come in for a sasparilla!

Chris: How do you feel about sex before marriage?

Chad: Well, I don’t really judge anyone else for doing it, but I’m not sure I’m comfortable having sex with anyone I’m not in love with. And I don’t believe that you can really be in love until you’ve sanctified that love by joining the love that you feel for someone else with the love God feels for both of you, I guess I’d want to wait until after marriage. Also, in my religion, if you wait until marriage you can be banging like, six wives a week. Who doesn’t think that’s AWESOME?

Chris: Let’s say we go out for a few months. How do we keep things fresh?

Chad: Well since I’d have wives to go around, I’d say ménage de trois.

SFX: Boner Bell. Crowd

GiCoSD: So we have our pairs. Amelia Earhardt and Patrick Bateman?

Amelia: Thank you! We’ll be going now.

Patrick: SAVE ME!!! SHE ATE MY BIG TOE!!!

GiCoSD: Hahaha! What a cute couple. Don Qui-ho-te’s wife and Douglas Jay Falcon.

Don: We’re going to take him home and ravage him anally!

Ben: NOOOOO! GO BACK TO NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO WEEGEE!!!

GiCoSD: Chris and Mormon Chad?

Chad: Oh gee! This is going to be swell. Would you like to go get some coffee, Chris?

Chris: That would be lovely.

GiCoSD: And Phil Collins and…Phillis Collins?

Phil: Now I can get divorced whenever I want!

Erica: What about me?

GiCoSD: I’m afraid you’re too mentally healthy to do speed dating. Try asking out a co-worker.

Erica: The people I work with are ignorant buffoons!

GiCoSD: Not my problem.

Chris: So where do you go for coffee?

Chad: Oh, I don’t care, you pick.

SFX: Time speeds up, Traffic

Chris: So, I guess that was our third date…do you want to come in?

Chad: Oh…gee, I dunno about that, uh uh uh *sputters*

SFX: Time speeds up

Chris: So you’re going to really like this guy Mormon Chad is bringing for you

Erica: I’m not sure I’m entirely comfortable with this double date

Chris: Well when I heard at speed dating that you hadn’t gotten a date, I thought that I should help you out.

Erica: Yeah, that was a little weird. Also, why are you wearing a tiger costume?

Chris: Oh, because I’m a furry

Erica: A furry?

Chris: Yeah, I like to dress up in animal costumes and then have sex with strangers. It’s like a fetish, but way more screwed up.

Erica: This is why I just wanted to stay late at work…again…

Chris: Oh no! This is going to be great. I think I see them now

Chad: Hi friends!

Chris: Chad! Danny!

Danny: My name isn’t Danny! It’s Leon Pendergrafton. You goddamn furfag

Chad: Haha, Danny got a little drunk before we got here let’s go inside!

SFX: Restaurant

Mary: So, Leon, Chris tells me that you work with animals.

Danny: Yeah, I got my degree in animal husbandry from Ursinus College. What do you do?

Mary: Well, I work at the WOBC Laboratory. I’m the top scientist in my field.

Danny: What field is that?

Mary: Oh, it’s a branch of chemistry which I pioneered. See, it used to be that transition metals weren’t considered to be capable of being converted into liquid sexiness, so what I did…(fade)

CJ French Waitress: What will madame and monsieur be having?

Chris: Well, I think we had all decided to split the Admiral’s Feast.

Waitress: Excellent, and I’ll bring your cheddar biscuits shortly.
Mary: …so basically, that’s how you can convert used paper cups into the ultimate weapon.

Danny: Huh…that’s very interesting.

Mary: So what do you do?

Danny: Well…see, I work at a ranch. We raise bulls and male horses for breeding. The thing about male animals is that when you have a fine specimen, you merely have to harvest his…seed, every ouple of days and sell it. It’s worth quite a bit. Each animal can get you greater than 15,000 dollars a week!

Mary: So you raise and take care of the animals?

Danny: Well…no, not exactly. See, most ranches are a bit bigger than ours and have a machine which tricks the male animals into thinking they’re mating with a female of their species.

Mary: Ah, so you get female animals? You have to break them up I guess? That’s a pretty crappy job; I hope you get paid well for it.

Danny: Well…I do get paid well, but not for that. See, my boss doesn’t see the need to have extra animals, and since we don’t have a large number of males, we just…uh, have to improvise.

Mary: I don’t know what you’re getting at.

Danny: …I had sex with a horse this morning.

Mary: I see… well, I cured cancer this morning!

Chris: Well they seem to be hitting it off well

Ben: Helllllp! They’re trying to rape me!

Chad: Yeah, they do. I’m really glad about that. But not as glad as I am about how well things are going with us.

Chris: Yeah?

Ben: Why does no one pay attention to Weegee!
Call the police!!!

Chad: See, after our date…there’s something I’d like to share with you.

Chris: Really?

Chad: Yeah, but you’ll have to wait until afterwards to see what it is.

Chris: I can’t wait!

SFX: Time speeds up

Mary: So why did you break up with Chad?

Chris: He tried to share his religion with me! Then he gave me a promise ring. Are we still in high school?! Gah. Besides, I’d rather date someone who isn’t such a prude.

Mary: Well then you can have Danny.

Chris: Nah. I’m a furry. I’m kind of freaked out by people who are into bestiality.

Mary: And he probably has AIDS

Chris: Oh, definitely.

Mary: Well, I guess I should get busy with my work. I’m trying to win my eleventh Nobel Prize.

Chris: That must be a lot of work. Don’t you want time for dating?

Mary: No, not really.

Chris: Why?

Mary: Well, dating is tough. Just because you’re interested in someone doesn’t mean it automatically will work. I just get way too engrossed with work to pay attention to another human being for long enough to make a lasting relationship. I guess that sort of thing just doesn’t work for everyone.

Chris: Well, I’m sorry about that. I think I’m becoming comfortable with just being single too, though. Although I understand what you’re saying about compatibility; with Mormon Chad, that relationship would have totally worked out for me in high school when I believed in love and marriage and all that. He was really sweet, but since he hadn’t experienced sex and serious relationships, he didn’t understand how hard it is to commit yourself to someone in such a personal way when you’ve had that before.

Mary: He probably thinks it’s a good idea to be friends with your exes too! *laughs*

Chris: Well sometimes it is. That’s not really the issue here though. What I’m saying is that I really wish things had been able to work out between us, but he was just simply too intense for that. Maybe I can find someone who is more willing to ease into a serious relationship. Someone who will allow me to trust them gradually. I’m sure there’s at least one reasonable male in our species who would do that.

(beat)

Chris: Well anyway, I can be comfortable being single.

Mary: I think you mean comfortable feeding 18 cats for the rest of your life.

Chris: I will end you.

Then we do some skits. 

1st impression critique: Donnie and Mary, then Ben and Mary. Ben does it right. Donnie does it wrong.

DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP

credits

from Twyzzlers for Everyone Forever presents: Death Spares Not the Tiger, an epic radio Drama, track released May 31, 2009
Written by Ben Ferber and Donnie McEwan
Ben Ferber – SSBB Guy, Don Qui-ho-te, Flavor Fresh
Donnie McEwan – Patrick Bateman, Don Qui-ho-te’s Wife, Sean Connery
Chad Putka – Mormon Chad, Chris’ Friend
Chris Gentes – Chris
Danny Kessler – Danny
Joe Phillips – Phil Collins/Phillis Collins
Mary Heatwole – Dr. Erica Dyer
Mora Harris – Amelia Earhardt
Ralph Johnson – Creep Date, Guy In Charge of Speed –

license

tags

about

Twyzzlers for Everyone Forever Oberlin

A series of radio shows hosted by Ben Ferber and Donald McEwan. Very few socks, lots of inappropriately-placed Subway restaurants, fake (and real!) celebrities galore, and lots of prog rock.

contact / help

Contact Twyzzlers for Everyone Forever

Streaming and
Download help

Report this track or account